Prep

I didn't post last week because my power was out as a result of a "derecho" in our area. I did finish reading a fiction book called Prep (thanks, Hope!), by the dim light of my book light while lying on the floor in the dark house. I was oddly entranced by the book, though every time I put it down I would say, "I should just quit reading this, I'm not getting anything out of it." It was about a teenage girl attending boarding school on a scholarship. She is intensely self-conscious and pretty much just spends her time analyzing other people and thinking about herself/her personal issues as well as mooning after a jerky boy she barely knows but loves. This makes the book sound much more shallow than it actually was--it was a very developed book and really intensive as far as angst/emotional content/in-the-character's-head. There was an almost painful authenticity to the narration. A look at what (possibly) goes on inside people's heads, really--"ugly," weird, socially anxious stuff, that you don't see on the surface. Though the book is about teenagers, it was written for adults. I found it kind of depressing overall, but also liked it, so...

41

Journey Into Motherhood

I didn't get a chance to make my usual Saturday post because my internet connection was down. So, now I have time for a few brief words:

I read: Journey into Motherhoodby Sheri Menelli. This is a phenomenal collection of inspiring birth stories. I love it! Plus, you can download it from her site as a free e-book. I really recommend this one!

I also read New Moon (second Twilight book). This one was pretty bad. I'm not sure if I will read the others now! An example quote: "At least I could be with him again before I died. That was better than a long life." PUH-LEEZE!

Plus, I finished Brought to Bed: Childbearing in America 1750-1950. This one took me a little while to wade through and is didn't "hook" me enough to keep me coming back to it rather than starting (and finishing) other books while reading it. It was interesting though. As it sounds it was basically a history of childbirth in America during those years. It really explores the move from home to hospital and themes like women's social power in the birth room and over birthing in general (and how that was given away after the move to the hospital, but also, how women *wanted* to go to the hospital and advocated heavily for pain medications, etc.) I will be writing more about it on CfM.

Last but not least, I got BIRTH (the book version of Karen Brody's play) for my birthday yesterday and read it last night. It was a quick read. I wish I could see the actual play, because reading it is just not the same. It did make me want to perform it though! It was good.

40

All the Gifts of Life

I borrowed two books from my church last week and read them both over the weekend (both were quick little books). The first was Notes to Myself: My struggle to become a person by Hugh Prather. It was so-so. In keeping with my previous post about identity, selfhood/selflessness, personality, etc., I marked several relevant quotes to share:

"While I am worrying about what you think of me I am not open to you, I am not letting you in; in fact, I am not letting you exist as a person--I am making you my mirror. While I am concerned with what you are thinking about me I am not even thinking about you."

"I learn most about myself by observing myself in relation to others. When I examine myself by myself I am actually examining the results of a previous encounter. Perceptions are not of things but of relationships. Nothing, including me, exists by itself--this is an illusion of words. I am a relationship, ever-expanding."

"People in cars passing by my car, people walking past me on the street, someone leaving a shop as I enter, Gayle coming through the door from work, Willie getting his mail as I get mine, and with each one of these little brushings-against, these encounters big and small, I leave something behind. If I can feel what I pick up from them, certainly on some level they can feel my state also. What, then, is the trail behind me composed of? Does not this 'gift to the world,' by its very enormity, outweigh all others?"

I have a particular interest (and a complicated partially written essay) about gratitude and "you're so lucky" type comments, so I also marked a quote about that:

"The thought, 'You're lucky, it could have been worse,' is the kind of gratitude I can do without. It also could have been better, or actually, it couldn't have been any other way than the way it was."

The second book was All the Gifts of Life. It was a collection of short essays/meditations by a couple of different UU authors. One was about "detachment" and whether it is desirable or not:

"It is only through our detachment that we are able to rend the ozone layer, poison the air and the seas, exterminate whole species of animals, and burn the rain forests. There are times when some detachment is appropriate and necessary. But the greatest source of evil in our time may be that we are too detached from people, and too detached from the earth. If we meet everything objectively, then there is no sacredness and no mystery."

I thought this was an interesting twist--people are often urged to "be objective" and it is interesting to consider what kind of detachment that promotes.

The second page I marked was kind of a take-off of the classic Ecclesiastes "for everything there is a season...":

The Light can represent the light of Spirit that ebbs and flows inside us as we feel sometimes drained and dusty, and other times energetic, enthusiastic, and supple. Some times in our lives are spirited times and others are dispirited times. As we contemplate the meanings of the dark times and the light times, the earth-based traditions would caution us against using The Dark as a symbol for all that is negative. If we use 'darkness' to speak about ignorance, depression, and evil, we speak as if it would be best to have no darkness at all, to have light all the time. That would be awful. there is a season for dark and a season for light.

Is it possible then that there is a time to feel energetic and a time to feel drained in the rhythm of life? A time to let life and energy flow outward from you, and a time for it to flow inward? Maybe the ebb and flow of Spirit is a rhythm that is good to feel. Maybe in our growing into wholeness there is a time to feel dusty and dry, 'hard as iron' like the winter ground, and stony as winter water. Maybe instead of worrying and suffering over those feelings we could settle into them, knowing that there is a time for cold and time for warmth, a time to be energetic and a time to rest, a time to grow and a time to stay where you are, a time for the light of reason and a time for other ways of knowing. Maybe we could walk in beauty and balance more easily if we could welcome the dark time, trusting that when it reaches its full strength, things will begin their tilt back in the other direction. Nothing stays the same in the flow of things. All things seek their balance and their rhythm. The wheel will always turn...

36

Zen Quotes

I'm gone this week, so I've set up to post some saved quotes from my trusty $1 Shop Zen calendar from last year:

"It is not length of life, but depth of life."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A contented mind is a hidden treasure, and trouble findeth it not."

--Akhenaton

"Do you imagine the universe is agitated? Go into the desert at night and look at the stars. This practice should answer the question."

--Lao-tzu

And one that makes me think of the birth culture in the United States:

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

--Krishnamurti

Other Recent Reads

I am accepting that I will not have time to write about every book I've read. So, I just wanted to mention some recent ones (two of them I plan to blog about elsewhere).

Birthwork--this was a masterpiece of a book. Took me ages to finish, because it was very complex. I've never read a book like it. It was really extraordinary. I've already written a bit about it on my birth blog and I will again. Plus, I will be writing a complete review for CfM.

Women and Doctors--this is an older book written by a doctor and covers the anti-women attitudes that many doctors have bred into them in medical school. Also talks a lot about hysterectomies and how they are extremely overperformed. I'm going to be writing about this one on the CfM blog for sure.

Innovative Teaching Strategies Handbook for Birth Professionals--this was a quick read and I got several good ideas from it. I think I will use one of the breastfeeding demonstration ideas for an LLL meeting soon.

The Secret Life of Amanda K. Woods--I read this after I finished Birthwork. I was immediately going to jump into another heavy read and realized I needed a quick break. This is a young adult book about an 11 year old girl in rural WI the 1950's. For some reason it made me cry several times. I read it in an hour.

What Do Buddhists Believe?--This was a short book about "meaning and mindfulness in Buddhist philosophy." I was familiar with most of the ideas already (but that kind of makes me an empti-full cup!).

A quote from this one I liked when talking about various turning points in the history of world thought (like Newton and gravity or the Buddha and his enlightenment under the tree): "...these seekers after truth did not find anything that had not been there before. Theirs was a discovery not an invention. Their genius consisted in realizing for the first time something that had been in front of them all along. It was as if they perceived a deeper layer of reality, a glimpse of the underlying structure of the phenomenal world." This kind of thing makes me wonder about the ideas and concepts yet to be discovered--what is in front of us right now, that we haven't yet figured out, etc. As reading Buddhist stuff always does, I went into a bit of a tailspin about "what is the nature of reality" and "who am I" and "what does no-self really mean" and "if I have no-self then who the heck am I." All questions I've asked before, no answers! I read somewhere else: "if someone says to me that they don't know who they are anymore, I say, good!" So, maybe I'm making progress by feeling like I don't know who I am! (by that, I mean I don't know who I am "ultimately" speaking--is there a core "me," a real reality, or is it just shifting, changing collection of personality traits. I think it is difficult to ever say with any certainty that you know who anyone *really* "is" and the same for yourself. However, this then depresses me somewhat...)

34

The Fox Woman

Just a few minutes ago I finished reading The Fox Woman, our book club read for May (should have waited a little longer to read it, because I may possibly forget it all by the time the end of May rolls around!). Short version: this book is a retelling of a Japanese fairy tale about a fox that becomes a woman in order to sort of "trap" the man she loves into being with her (the "fox magic" creates a sort of illusory world that he lives in with her for 10 years, but to the outside world it is only 3 months and he is living in a fox den that is all dirty and so forth--the magic makes him think he is in a fancy house). It was unclear to me at the end, but I believe she was staying a woman at the end of the book. It was very engaging, though I didn't really bond with the characters specifically--a lot of the book was about identity and knowing oneself and as such, you didn't really get to "know" the characters (because they didn't really 'know" themselves and their relationships were based on illusion and lies or "masks" that people present to try to be perfect, not reality). The story shifts back and forth between three narrators (the fox, the man, and his human wife).

A couple of quotes I marked from it:

"...when I am so alone, I do not have to be any of these things. For this moment, I am wholly myself, unshaped by the needs of others, by their dreams or expectations or sensibilities. But I am also lonely. With no one to shape me, who stands here watching the moon, or the stars, or the clouds. I feel insubstantial, as if the wind might suddenly dissolve me, like a weak mist."

Of course one about birth :) (this is the fox woman while pregnant):

"...I knew in my blood and bones that pregnancy was not supposed to be a complicated thing. One got pregnant and continued to hunt and sleep and eat. One prepared several dens, and when the time came one crawled into one of them, and after a small amount of pain, one delivered one or two or three or four kits..."

After she becomes a woman and marries the man: "A woman's life is shadows and waiting."

After the man is found my his human wife and goes back to that world/life: "Life is better lived as an adventure than as a work of art, I think."

When the fox woman is talking to a goddess about "but what will happen?" in the future/to her, etc.: "'Live and find out. Life guarantees nothing, not even itself.'"

And the conclusion: "None of us...are human unless and until we claim it for ourselves....and our lives become the poems we were born to tell."

29

The Pink Kit

Last week I finished reading all the written materials for The Pink Kit (Common Knowledge Trust, New Zealand). I also listened to the CD and watched about half the DVD. (I have trouble making room in my life to watch things--I ALWAYS have time to read things, but things to watch sit for months without being looked at.)

I enjoyed the materials overall and got some ideas of things to use in classes. The emphasis is on pelvic bodywork and the focus is primarily on getting to know your pelvis--both the bony pelvis and the "soft pelvis" (the soft tissue structures connected to the pelvis). The Pink Kit teaches you how to "map" your pelvis and explore the structures. It also covers material on breath work, touch, and communication. As I mentioned there is a DVD and a CD. There is also a short book (that is basically an overview of the program--it isn't really a stand alone). Plus, there are three more pdf books on a CD: New Focus: Breath, Language, & Touch; Managing Skills; and Companion Guide. New Focus was my favorite and the most useful, I think. I printed each one of these out and used my burgeoning book-binding skills to "perfect bind" each one into a real book, instead of putting them in a binder. I even took a picture to share :)
My only complaint was that there was a heavy emphasis on "managing birth well" and "staying in control" and "using your skills." I have a more "organic"--"do what feels right to you" philosophy, instead of a "there's a right way to give birth and if you 'train' properly, you will do it right." (I did appreciate their stance that these "skills" can be used by all women in all circumstances and all types of births--they are not only for one specific setting or type of birth. i.e. knowing about how the pelvis works and about how to calm yourself with your breath, is still valuable with a cesarean birth experience.) There were comments made about not "moaning or groaning" or "wasting energy" by making noise--I feel much differently about noise in labor! Moan and groan all you want! It is useful! To be clear, the Kit does frequently mention that birth is not controllable and things like that, but I felt an overlay of "prepare properly"--there's a "right way" to work through birth and manage yourself well...

I shared some quotes from the book on my birth blog about birth as a rite of passage.

This is all I have time to write about this week (I did read two other books, but alas, they will have to keep waiting!).

28

Homebirth Books

"Be sure to share your story. There is no shortage of fear-mongering and simply unhelpful advice when it comes to birth. As fathers, we need to make birth a part of the masculine dialogue."

So concludes the new book I just finished tonight called The Father's Home Birth Handbook. The book was published in Scotland and is a nice addition to the information available to fathers-to-be. It was written by a woman, but contains ample quotes from fathers (like the one above) and has a lot of interesting birth stories all written by the fathers. It was a quick read and a good one.

This week I also read Midwifery Today's short book The Heart & Science of Homebirth. This book is a collection of reprinted articles from Midwifery Today, The Birthkit, Birth, and the AIMS Journal. So, I'd read a couple of the articles already, but not all of them.

I've run out of time this week to blog properly, so this quick entry is all I'm going to be able to post!

26

Mother Nature

Reviewed a new little booklet this week called Mother Nature. It is a quick introduction to some attachment parenting concepts and would make a nice gift for a pregnant person. I liked this quote from the opening section:

"This is the stuff no one wants to say: motherhood can be confusing, isolating, lonely, relentless. Motherhood can grind your illusions to dust. Motherhood can grind you to dust...Motherhood has also been an immense blessing, a joy, a healing, a sitcom. My children are gifts, arrows that point to truths I sometimes don't want to see."

When my first was a baby I used to say that I felt like I'd been chewed up and my bones spit out. Fortunately, the second baby was a more pleasant adaptation :)

I also read through the Birthing From Within Keepsake Journal this week. I'm always seeking new ideas for my classes. (I got The Pink Kit this week for the same reason, but haven't finished going through all of it yet.) I think it is quite likely that I spend more money on resources for teaching birth classes than I actually make teaching them...this will change though! My classes have really picked up this year--I'm actually busy with them and have frequent inquiries--so I think it will continue to build from here.

I have lots more to write about it, but I have other things on my list today that are more important, so I'll have to finish up with this quote from Oregon Humanities (the issue's topic was Civility): "Additionally, people wrongly assume that the majority of those around them share their viewpoints on a variety of issues. 'People are only listening to people who agree with them,'...'It's a cognitive error.' Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as the False Consensus Effect, in which we think everyone agrees with our viewpoints. By thinking we are surrounded by like-minded people, we are likely to be jarred by any conflict with those who disagree with us, and we are less willing to welcome and engage in conflict." (The rest of the article is about why conflict--and civil conversations about disagreeing viewpoints--is very important. We avoid conflicting opinions because we do not want to risk disconfirmation--our sense of self is tied up with closely held beliefs and we can't handle the challenge to that and so choose to interact with people who share our views, or who we think share our views, rather than taking up "an important opportunity to develop a more nuanced understanding of the world.") I've observed this Effect at playgroup, church, and other settings--it is uncomfortable to be on the other side of the False Consensus Effect (i.e. the person assumes I agree with them when I really don't) and I rarely let anyone know that that is what happening. I'm sure the reverse is also true--that I assume those around me agree with my ideas, when really they may just be uncomfortably avoiding a "conflict" or challenge to my viewpoint. This publication is very thought-provoking and I recommend it--you don't have to live in Oregon to benefit from it (I don't live in Oregon!).

24

Periodicals

Continuing my Janet Evanovich kick this week (my mom keeps checking them out of the library & then passing them along to me), I read Lean, Mean Thirteen. And, it was actually the only book I read. This is primarily because it is March now and along with nice weather, the spring issues of the various quarterly publications I subscribe to have also been arriving! So, I've been reading all of those instead of books. I got Brain, Child, which I always adore. One of the things I enjoy about it (I enjoy this about Hip Mama too, which I also got and read recently) is that it explores subjects/experiences that are totally outside of my own realm of experience. I love the window into other people's lives/worlds. So anyway, this Brain, Child issue had an article in it about noncustodial mothers. One of the things it addressed was the reasons why some mothers do not have physical custody of their children and how the snap judgment seems to always be that she must have been neglectful, or abusive, or drug addicted, or have run away to "find herself," when the reality is often more mundane and/or complicated than that. In other words, there are lots of mothers who do not have physical custody of their children who are not "bad mothers." A comment was made about something that I've observed myself: "A father pushing his child in a stroller draws charmed smiles--Wow, what a great dad, helping out!--from people who wouldn't look twice at a woman behind the stroller, just doing her job." Another article was about "hard partying, tough questions" and addressed how/when to share your messy and/or sordid past with your children (like I said, broadening my horizons!). And yet another was about using bad/inappropriate language around your children. Love this magazine!

I also got my copy of DONA's International Doula with my "Respecting the Birth-Breastfeeding Continuum" article published in it. This was my first publication that was actually a "cover story"/feature on the cover, so that was exciting! :) (Speaking of articles, some issues of the IJCE are online now. The June 2008 issue has my WBW article in it and the September issue has my "Satisfaction with Birth" article in it. And then speaking of breastfeeding and of writing, I wrote a lot about it on CfM this week).

I also got my first issue of The Journal of Perinatal Education (Lamaze's publication) this week. I enjoyed it quite a lot as well. I'm still working my way through this quarter's Midwifery Today and got other publications this week like Oregon Humanities and the Missouri S & T Alumni magazine (two copies of it, I'm not yet sure why...) and Habitat World. I know it doesn't make special sense for me to get Oregon Humanities, but it is actually a really good and interesting publication and I find it thought-provoking.


23

Special Women

I had a good week this week (except for a very tragic incident with one of our chickens on Thursday that cast a pall over the remainder of of the week :( ). My happiest news was that I got my ICEA exam results on Monday (only a week after having taken the exam) and I passed and am now an ICCE (ICEA Certified Childbirth Educator). I was SO ready for this! I feel a little odd and also free now that I am no longer studying for it. Studying was absorbing a lot of my "free time."

I also got my copies of Midwifery Today with my Birth Lessons from a Chicken essay published in it (the chicken refers to a literal chicken, not to be "chicken" about birth). I'm proud of this one :) This was my third MT publication. Last year, I couldn't even imagine having one! (If anyone wants to read it, I'd be happy to email it to you).

Another high point was finding Obstetric Myths vs. Research Realities at Goodwill, plus some other birth-related books. One of those was Special Women and I read it this week. It was pretty much a description of the role of the "professional labor assistant"and some elements of the business end of doula practice. Not too much "how to" or skills. It was also more of a look at the role of a monitrice, because there seemed to be an assumption that clinical assessments would be part of the labor assistant's role (I think the role of "doula" has been more explicitly clarified as "non-clinical" since this book was written. The edition I was reading was revised in 2000). The book used a hooked diamond pattern symbol throughout (of which the DONA logo is a more stylized version). This is a birth symbol and represents both the uterus and vagina and is apparently a counterpart to the phallic symbol (though less widely known/recognized as such). I just found an article online about it.I also continued my Janet Evanovich kick by reading Plum Lovin'. And then tonight finished reading her Eleven on Top. Again, some fun little treats for me.

Finally, I wanted to mention that in Ode magazine this month I read a letter to the editor mentioning Francis Moore Lappe's book Getting a Grip. "She states that we must call ourselves 'buyers' or 'purchasers' rather than consumers" (because consume means to use up and we have piles in landfills). I thought this was a good reminder.

Okay, I'm not very gifted with words tonight and this is kind of a dullsville post. Oh well! At least I'm staying updated!

22

The Big Book of Birth

This week I greatly enjoyed reading The Big Book of Birth. It is by Erica Lyon of Realbirth, who I first heard of when I read her awesome quotes in Pushed. Anyway, this was a basic "guide to birth" type of book, so I didn't necessarily learn anything new from it, but I hope that lots of pregnant women pick this one up to read instead of What to Expect. The emphasis of this book was on giving birth, not on pregnancy. The author's writing style was great--very engaging and *real* seeming. It is written in a sassy, lively, conversational sort of style that really made the book very readable and good. There were a variety of birth stories shared (broken up into the "right" chapters, which made it a little hard to follow them sometimes). I did feel sad reading some of them because the mothers didn't seem to *get* in hindsight what had really happened--i.e. "the doctor said the baby was 10 pounds and so a cesarean would make sense" and then baby is born and is 8.5 pounds and there was no further "analysis" about the cesarean being unwarranted.

I have a lot of quotes marked to share on my birthy blogs. Here's a quick one though: "You do not have to be a particularly strong or brave or relaxed woman to get through labor. You just need to be a woman." And then one from one of the birth stories: [in response to someone telling her that she got an epidural because it made the birth so much more peaceful] "I asked myself, Is birth meant to be peaceful? the feeling that I got after my birth was of pure triumph. I felt strong and able..."

I also zoomed through some "dessert"--Janet Evanovich's Twelve Sharp. Funny. Enjoyed it. Felt like a treat.

And on an unrelated note, I've mentioned before that we have cool big rocks on our land (behind our house). Today was a nice day and we went out to visit them!

19

The Last Lecture

Last night I finished reading our March book club selection, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I'd recently seen a video clip from an appearance on Oprah and became interested in reading the book. So, when it was suggested in book club, it was perfect. And, luckily, the library had a copy (large print only, unfortunately).

I actually wonder if I would have enjoyed it more if I had watched the film version, instead of the written version (heresy, I know, for a book-lover like me to say!). Having seen a small portion of his lecture "live," I realized how dynamic and engaging it would have been to see the whole thing instead of reading about it.

At the risk of sounding smug, I feel like I've already figured out a lot of the "lessons" he shared. Actually, one of my guideposts in life--depressing as it may sound--is to ask myself, "if I had a terminal illness, would I still be doing this?" If the answer is "no," I either quit whatever it is, or look for ways to make it more enjoyable/worthwhile. I've long had a semi-obsession with life, death, purpose, passion, and is-this-truly-important/worthwhile. I think it is serving me fairly well, though I do sink into a bit of a spiral of despair sometimes!

From the book, I'd marked two things. From the time management section: "Ask yourself: Are you spending your time on the right things? You may have causes, goals, interests. Are they even worth pursuing?" This is something I constantly consider. I make mistakes, but the "is it worthwhile" evaluative thought process is a guiding light in my life!

The second is something I disagreed with with regard to work habits: "'Wow, you got tenure early,' they'd say to me. 'What's your secret?' I said, 'It's pretty simple. Call me any Friday night in my office at 10:00 and I'll tell you." I don't think that is a healthy approach to life/work balance!

The title of the lecture is about your childhood dreams, so of course I thought about mine and whether I've achieved them. (This is something I've already thought about/worked over when I first became really interested in simple living in about 2001). The ones I remember are:

1. Be a writer.
2. Travel to other countries and help poor and sick people there.
3. Be a librarian.

The first two I actually have written down in a journal from 1991. I perhaps had others, unwritten, that I am not remembering right now.

Anyway, I am a writer. I have not traveled to other countries, but my whole adult life has been centered on social service/social work/community service, so I think that fits with #2. I am not a librarian, but I lend books to my friends like crazy! I also have a lending library for my LLL Group and a personal lending library box of books as well. Just a few months ago, one of my friends was over and I was picking out books to loan her. Her partner said, "getting some new books?" and she said, "yes. And Molly is the BEST librarian EVER!" So, LOL, I think I may have accidentally made #3 come true as well :-) Life is good!

----
Edited on March 2nd. I wrote the post above really quickly and have since had something additional thoughts (prompted in part by a comment left by Nick King, who has a really touching and useful and comprehensive website based on his wife's experience of living with a terminal illness [ALS]).

First, I remembered one more thing that was on my childhood dreams list--actually, it was the first thing on the list, since I was four when I first said it--"be a nurse." Well, I'm not one. And have realized that I could likely never be, primarily because I am WAY too squeamish about blood (though the reasons are really more complicated than just that). However, I think this was an early expression of the "I want to help people" dream that I feel like is a thread running throughout my life. Also, I am deeply involved with pregnancy and birth, which involves some elements of medicine/nursing. And, as a play on words, I am definitely committed to nursing my children!

Second, I recalled one of the exercises that first helped me explore this type of things: Gifts, Dreams, Sorrow, Unlived Lives (be prepared that it opens as a Word document). In 2001, I went back through old journals, reflected on my childhood, talked to my parents, did lots of introspection, took online quizzes, read lots of books, etc. in an effort to figure out my "life purpose." I wrote a life purpose statement at that time after a LOT of inner work and consideration. Miraculously, since my entire life has changed since then, I would not change a single word of my life purpose statement. It still completely and totally applies to me, even though I am 8 years older, have two kids, live in a different town, do a different kind of work, and so forth. I think that means it was an accurate one and that the work I did with myself to develop it was time well spent. I hope to post more about this later, because it something I really really feel deeply about (I also feel very private about actually sharing what my life purpose statement says. It is posted on my wall, but unless you're here looking right at it, I basically never share it directly with anyone. I just share that I have one and I believe deeply that it is something that is worth spending your time with).

Okay, back to the book. I want to clarify that I haven't actually LEARNED the lessons in Pausch's book--I fail A LOT, but I have heard of them and try to apply them :)

Bascially, I have heard a lot of "it changed my life" stories about this book and that was not my experience/reaction. The kinds of things in the book were the kinds of things I've spent a lot of time thinking about--sometimes I think I've done too much thinking!

Finally, the relationship content of his book was very touching. I teared up a lot when he would talk about his wife. There was a hot air balloon story from his honeymoon that made me laugh and cry. And, at the end, when she hugs him after his lecture, it was really sad. So, I feel like my first post was too flippant about the way, or not, in which I was touched by this book. I also think he had a real knack for using story telling/anecdotes to make his points. I would imagine he was a dynamic and engaging professor!

17

Tree of Happiness

The irrepressible, creative, and always-inspiring mamaroots nominated my blog for a Tree of Happiness Award :)

In turn, I'd like to nominate:

Enjoy Birth--love the positive view of birthing babies expressed there!

Passion for Birth--I usually learn something new or creative by visiting Teri's blog.

Woman-to-Woman CBE--because Kathy is such a talented researcher and prolific, interesting writer!

Here are some things that make me happy:

1. Books! Love 'em. Can't get enough of them.

2. My friends--I feel so lucky to have such a beautiful real-life network.

3. LLL--I love being able to help mothers and babies in my community.

4. Blogging about birth.

5. My kids--they make me laugh so hard every day!

Homebirth

This week while preparing for a birth class, I read Sheila Kitzinger's book Homebirth. I was struck anew how much I love her writing. It is so lyrical and vibrant and really gets to the heart. I also deeply identify with it. I wanted to share a poem that was in the book in the section about assessing risk and statistics and homebirth and is it really safe, etc.:

Thoughts on "risk"
by Judith Dickson Luce

word so small
born a verb
an "action word"

as I learned in 4th grade
I risk
you risk
she risks
even a noun something
I take
you take
she takes

in philosophy a description of what life is
with its own rewards:
I love and risk loss and pain
I try and risk failure
I trust and risk betrayal
I live and risk death
but we've moved so far beyond philosophy
to insurance--for anything and everything
to machines
to technology and control
(no daring)

and computers spit out the risk we are "at"
before we breathe
before we take a first step
that might lead us to fall
and the computers and the statisticians tell us
it is healthier and safer
and wiser not to take risks
since we are "at risk"
and they can reduce risk
and with it our capacity
for living
and touching
and caring
it's safer that way
neater and more efficient
and definitely more sterile
and what more can we ask of life?

Commentary by Tom Luce: "It's very risky to be born since very few people who are born avoid dying (though many avoid living). If you are born there is a high statistical risk you might die."

Here is an example of what I mean about Kitzinger's lyrical writing style:

"Your breathing dances, you get into the swing of contractions, swimming over each as it rises in crescendo, or breasting it like a great ocean wave. You float, you ride, you ski down the mountain slopes, or leap into the void...The imagery that is likely to be helpful to you will include active verbs of opening, releasing, spreading, unfolding, and fanning out. As contractions sweep through you, concepts that suggest power, energy, strength, and perhaps, storm or even whirlwind suddenly make sense, along with wave and water fantasies--verbs such as stream, pool, flood, gush, flow, and cascade. And all over the world, in many different cultures, woman use visual images of fruit ripening and of the baby's head like a hard bud in the center of a flower unfurling petals. As you read about birth, and whenever you take time to relax and enjoy anticipatory fantasies, create you own images and dreams that will give positive meaning to all the sensations of labor. Doing this will help you to savor fully an adventure that can be among the most thrilling, intense and satisfying experiences of your life."

16

Max Tivoli

This week I zoomed through The Confessions of Max Tivoli for book club. It was a swift read and I liked it so-so. It caught my attention (most fiction will!), but I found the endless references to his "aging in reverse" tiresome--I felt like yelling, "We GET IT already! Stop reminding us that he is getting younger instead of older. I REMEMBER!" And, as is sometimes the case, the title character wasn't that likeable. Kind of obsessive and sneaky.

I marked a semi-depressing quote to share:

"I couldn't fathom Hughie's belief that his son would accomplish wonders in the world, as if other worthy children, equally full of promise, and failed, and turned into men just like us, who would lay onto the next generation the same hopes, infintely deferred."

Though not in the same words, I used to wonder something similar after I had my first baby--you have to put so many things on hold in order to be responsive to a baby and small child and while I was telling myself it was worthwhile, I was also wondering: "What is the point? Each generation 'sacrifices' and defers goals for their children and to what end? So those children can do the same for their children and so on and so forth...When does someone finally get to actually change the world themselves, rather than waiting for their kids to do it?!" Told you it was depressing (I think perhaps I was actually depressed at the time).

15

Miscellaneous

I did not actually read ANY books this week! I did read many, many issues of the International Journal of Childbirth Education--I bought a big binder of back issues used last year and then didn't read them. I finally decided to go ahead and finish them all. I'm learning lots of good things and blogging about some them at ICEA.

Today is the 11th anniversary of when my husband proposed :) In honor of Valentine's Day I wanted to share a link to a wonderful essay written by a father in New Beginnings magazine. It is called the Origin of Love and it makes me tear up every time I read it.

Now, some Zen quotes:

What, at this moment, is lacking?
--lin-chi

Silence is the great teacher, and to learn its lessons you must pay attention to it. There is no substitute for the creative inspiration, knowledge, and stability that come from knowing how to contact your core of inner silence.
--Deepak Chopra

I don't feel like I have a lot of room in my life right now for inner silence. :(

Another good one:

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?"
--Kahlil Gibran

The Blue Cotton Gown

My favorite book this week was the midwifery memoir The Blue Cotton Gown. The author is a CNM who practices with her OB-GYN husband (a women's health practice, not births). It was really sad in parts--lots of stories about clients' lives and some of them were pretty complicated. I wrote a full review on CfM.

I've also been reading old issues of the International Journal of Childbirth Education. I wrote a post with some quotes about that at ICEA.

I got the BirthWorks journal this week as well and was surprised to find my Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy & Birth review published in it. I'd forgotten about sending it to them!

This is a really insubstantial post, but it is all I can manage today (and possibly until next week!)

14

Still more birth books...

Continuing my birth book extravaganza, this week I finished reading Childbirth without Fear. I posted quotes from it already here. I did want to share one more though:

"Is it surprising that, at a moment of such stupendous significance, the woman...should be rewarded by a sense of exaltation? A new life...should logically be heralded with pride and joy. In every newborn child there is new hope-—to every mother the people should give thanks." (emphasis mine)

I also finished evaluating Pushed, which I've read once before. I'm going to get to hear the author, Jennifer Block, speak in person on Feb. 10, which is super exciting to me!

Finally, I finished reading Creating a Joyful Birth Experience. I really hoped to find some new birth art ideas for birth classes in this, but I didn't get as much out of it as I had hoped. There was a lot of emphasis on "inner child" work, which is not something that I connect with and also seemed to have been a fad that has since passed (this book was written in 1994).

Out of time for blogging!

Birthing From Within

This week I finished re-reading Birthing From Within. I started re-reading it quite some time ago, but became re-engrossed this week and finished it up (this was the third time I've read it). Words cannot express how much I enjoy this book. It is my favorite, and most personally meaningful, birth book of all time. It is powerful. It is rich. It is innovative. It is timeless. It is inspiring. It is authentic. It is deep. It "goes beyond." I do not know where I first learned of it, but I read it during my first pregnancy and it was my best, most helpful, and most relevant birth preparation I did (better than the in person classes I took--which were not based on BFW). I know that not everyone does, but I connected with it deeply. It spoke to me and meant something and it was relevant during my birthing as well. So, I'm very attached to it because of my association with my first, transformative pregnancy and birth. I read it this time with more of an eye towards my birth classes and I truly think this book provides more REAL preparation for giving birth than any other (though, I'm not convinced that anything can *truly* prepare you--it is an experience to be lived, rather than described). Reading again raised my desire to train as a BFW Mentor. I hope to do it someday.

(I do have two sections I don't like--there is a really poor breastfeeding section and then there is a quote from another midwife about how if the woman is laboring by candlelight with soft music playing, she blows out the candles and turns off the music and tells her to "get to work.")

I also finished reading In Labor: Women & Power in the Birthplace, which I've wanted to read for ages. I finally went ahead and bought it for myself after Christmas. I was reading it concurrently with re-reading Pushed and it was funny how very similar in content they are. Both sociopolitical looks at maternity care and the culture of giving birth in the U.S. I marked a number of good quotes that I will eventually share on CfM, I think. I did notice that it got less good in the final third of the book and actually seemed to itself contradict some of the points she had made earlier (i.e. in the final third, she starts referring to "deliveries" and "being delivered" when earlier in the book she had examined the use of the word "delivery" as inappropriate and how birth is something women do, an active thing, etc...)

I also read a really lightweight and trashy book about a woman married to a man who is perpetually cheating on her--To Have and to Hold. Basically instantly forgettable, but kind of fun to read anyway.