And More

Recently I've finished re-reading Shelter for the Spirit: How to Make Your Home a Haven in a Hectic World. I saw the author speak in person at a Speaking of Women's Health conference several years ago. Nice, nurturing simple living read (with additional bonus of a short appendix with sections about homebirth and homeschooling :). It inspired me to change my Facebook profile quote to: "A simplified home feels friendlier. A simplified life seems easier. And remarkable joy comes from simple things--like having work to do that matters, and having people to love who matter a lot."

I also re-read Mother's Intention: How Belief Shapes Birth. Lots of good stuff in this one, though it does get repetitive after a while. She has a particular way with analogies that is just great--all kinds of good examples. She has a very straightforward, matter-of-fact style. I wish I could manage to be so honest/upfront with some of my childbirth education clients about "buying the hospital ticket and taking the hospital ride."

I read The Pocket Doula as well. It has lots of good pictures, no new information for me. Very conventional approach to standard interventions--doesn't question them at all.

I also read Fearless Fourteen and Finger-Lickin' Fifteen. Nothing like a little "dessert" every once in a while! :)

I think there may have been some others also, but I'm not keeping them in a to-blog-about pile anymore so I lose track!

67

Recent Reads

So, even though I've basically discontinued this blog, I still want to keep it updated periodically as a record of what I've been reading.

In the last couple of weeks, I've read:

Permission to Mother--short little natural mothering vignettes by a doctor and mother of three boys.

The Doula Guide to Birth--enjoyed it. Reviewed it for CfM and for CAPPA.

The Milk Memos--based on a series of notebooks kept by mothers pumping milk in the lactation room at IBM. I bought this at the LLL of MO conference this summer. A section I marked was about having "Etch-a-Sketch brain"--"she'd mentally jot down tasks throughout the day, only to find them suddenly wiped out and gone forever with the slightest 'shake up.'"

Fathers-To-Be Handbook--reviewing for CAPPA. A quick little "road map" for transitioning into fatherhood and a good resource for childbirth educators.

Awakening to the Dream--one of those semi-enlightening, semi-annoying Zen live-in-the-now books.

The Millionth Circle--a lightning quick read about women's circles (and how once we get to the millionth circle, patriarchy will be over and the world will be transformed). Liked two quotes: "Feminism catches fire when it draws upon its inherent spirituality. When it does not, it is just one more form of politics, and politics never fed our deepest hungers." --Carol Lee Flinders

and

Show up or choose to be present.
Pay attention to what has heart and meaining.
Tell the truth without blame or judgment.
Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome.

--Angela Arrien


62

Mothering the New Mother & Others

Well, after my post last week about possibly "retiring" from this blog for a while, instead I've decided to just post quick reviews of the books I've read, instead of full ones with quotes and everything and see how that goes for a while.

This week I read:

Mothering the New Mother--this book had been on my Amazon wishlist since 2004 when I took a postpartum doula training (this book is pretty much par for the course for postpartum doulas). I finally got it for my birthday this year (I guess since it had been on my trusty wishlist for so long people figured I didn't still want it, but I did!). This book brought home for me why I think it is so important to me to be available for postpartum women (not as a pp doula anymore, but with breastfeeding help and support groups). It is an excellent resource for mothers, doulas, fathers, and any other support people who work with or help new mothers.

Also a birthday gift, I read The Tao of Motherhood. For whatever reason I was not expecting this to literally be the Tao Te Ching for mothers. I was thinking it was a book about zen mothering or something. However, it is a translation of the ancient Tao Te Ching by Lao-Tzu, but reworked slightly so that every "chapter" is about mothering and mothering well. It has 81 one to two page "chapters" just like the regular one. It was very good, even though totally different than what I expected. I'll need to re-read it and let it soak in better. It is such a quick read, I zoomed through it rather than digesting and absorbing (i.e. a non-Zen way to read!). One quick quote from the end of the chapter on selflessness:

"You can sit and meditate while

your baby cries himself to sleep.

Or you can go to him and share

his tears, and find your Self."

I finally finished reading Just Six Numbers too. This was different than my usual reads and took me a lot longer to finish. In short, it was a physics book of sorts written by a cosmologist about the mathematics that shape the universe. It was really very mind-blowing in scope in some ways--one of those things that makes you feel very, very, very small and insignificant on one hand and on the other awed by the majesty and miracle of life.

Finally, I found Juggling at the $1 Shop and read that. It is a book about balancing career and home and it was interesting. In some ways it helped me feel better about my deep need to continue with my other "career" pursuits in addition to mothering.

Publication Station

Last Saturday, I received a lot of fun stuff in the mail. The first was a big box of Compleat Mother issues. They published my Singapore birth essay on the first page! :-) It also had a really extensive article about the midwifery legislation struggles in Missouri with lots of pictures. The fall issue of the FoMM newsletter also arrived (I'm the editor of this and write an article each issue based on the "question of the quarter"--the winter issue's Q of the Q is, "did you have a doula present at your birth(s)?" and/or "did your birth experiences inspire you to become a doula?"). I was really happy with this issue. My mother wrote a really beautiful essay for it about empty nesting (my youngest sister just left home this summer) and another grandmother submitted a wonderful (and very long) poem about the homebirth of her granddaughter.

Finally, my first issue as editor of CfM News also arrived! This issue had two film reviews that I wrote--The Business of Being Born and Birth As We Know It--a book review of The Official Lamaze Guide and then my article about Domestic Violence and Pregnancy. So, it was a fun ego-boost to get all of this stuff and see my name in print over and over again all at once! ;-)

International Doula

When I received my copy of International Doula last month, my jaw dropped in amazement at the new look! Wow! They have completely overhauled the look of the journal and it is very impressive and visually appealing. I never thought it looked bad before, but now it is really stunning.

There was an interesting article by a male doula, Keith Roberts, about "The Role of Expectations at Natural Births." In a side bar in the article he says "I have identified five critical factors in having a natural birth. Keeping the membranes intact is one of the five." However, he doesn't explain the other four and I really would like to know what he thinks they are (it has also gotten me thinking about what I would say the five factors are...?)

I receive approximately a dozen publications related to birth or breastfeeding. I receive some member publications because I must maintain my membership in those organizations to maintain my certification. I maintain my membership with DONA purely by choice and primarily because I so very much enjoy International Doula--it has consistently remained one of my top three favorites of the publications I receive. The quality is excellent and apparently getting even better than I could have imagined!

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I finally updated my post about The Dance of the Dissident Daughter today as well.
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I also re-read Real Moms this week & enjoyed it again. Lightweight exploration of some weighty and important things. My original post about the book is here.

Why I do not practice as a postpartum doula...

Some time ago, someone asked me why I had stopped doing postpartum doula work. Then, as I was reading the Laughter & Tears book I recently wrote about, those reasons/thoughts came back up for me (as well as thoughts about the true value of postpartum support). Anyway, my biggest reason for discontinuing postpartum work was because at this point in my life I couldn't reconcile taking care of someone else's family while my own needs me so much. It just felt *wrong* to me to be bopping off to "nurture the family" while I still have such a young family at home that needs plenty of nurturing itself! Along the same lines, there I was washing my client's dishes and thinking that I have a huge pile unwashed at my own house (that my husband does at night when he gets home--this is our routine, regardless of whether I have clients) and/or folding their laundry and thinking of the two full baskets at my own house in my own living room as yet not put away.

I feel like my clients always treated me with lots of respect and seemed to perceive me as an "expert" and not as "hired help," but some of the work still definitely had a hired help flavor to it. I also felt like I was definitely able to provide a level of support that the "help" would not be able to, particularly with regard to breastfeeding.

Also, I recognized that I feel most comfortable with and am temperamentally most suited for educational/"academic" types of support (such as the childbirth education classes I teach) instead of the "intimate" hands-on support that postpartum or labor support requires.

Anyway, that's basically why I quit. For a time, I really felt embarrassed about it because I was *so* sure it was going to be my "calling" and because I spent so much money on training, books, supplies, certification packet, etc. Luckily, I totaled it up when I was preparing to quit and I made enough money from my clients to at least more than pay myself back for the training!

I feel fervently that women/families need postpartum doula support (sometimes desperately) and I felt depressed to realize that I'm just not the person for the role (at this time). I didn't understand at the time, but I quickly figured out why the majority of the women in the postpartum doula training with me were middle-aged. They had the energy to "mother-the -mother" and "nurture the family" at that season in their lives, whereas I am still in a season in which I need to nurture my *own* family before I have the energy to spare to nurture someone else's. Maybe when I am in my 40's, I will return to postpartum doula work, because I do still truly feel a connection to it on a soul level (though maybe I don't feel it on a doing-someone-else's-laundry level, ;-).

(actually written on 10/5, but released later to avoid Friday overload of posts!)

Magazines only this week...

I haven't finished any books this week, only magazines. I read Utne Reader, UMR Magazine, International Doula, and Mothering. I didn't mark any pages in any of them, but each had something interesting to offer. International Doula has changed its format and looks even nicer than before. The cover photo was from PregnantEarth and is gorgeous. I also read the ever fabulous and informative Friends of Missouri Midwives newsletter ;-)

I went back through my posts this year out of curiosity and it looks like I've read more than SIXTY books so far this year. Is that weird?!

Recent Reads

I've read a number of things recently that I haven't blogged about (many while I was sick) and I'm going to quickly "catch up" with them here all under one post:

At our Craft Camp at the end of April, I finally finished reading Having Your Baby with a Nurse Midwife. I got it at the JC book sale and it was a little old, but really quite good. I wish CNM's were more available, because I think they really have the potential to bring midwifery to the masses ("normal" people aren't going to flock to homebirth any time soon, I don't think, and CNMs have the potential to interject some humanity into the hospital birth machine). I have always been much more drawn to direct entry midwifery and my heart lies with homebirth, but reading books like this helps me remember that CNMs have a very valuable role to play as well (they can also attend homebirths...sometimes...but I'm posting here about the majority that attend only in hospitals).

I also read the spring issue of Citizens for Midwifery News and the spring issue of International Doula (DONA's publication). Much as I love and support other childbirth organizations, I find the International Doula to be the most high quality of all the organizations' publications. They really do a nice job with this journal!

I really enjoyed reading Let the Baby Drive by Lu Hanessian as well. I had the opportunity to buy some copies wholesale a few months ago and I bought 15 or so, but hadn't read it myself until now. I donated a copy to my LLL Group's library (I was so excited to find something on the "approved" list that I could buy in bulk like this!). I hope a lot of mothers are able to read it and enjoy her perspective as I did. I had a bunch of pages marked to share quotes from, but I'll have to do that some other day. Suffice to say, I strongly recommend this book! I have a copy set aside for our new HMN chapter's library as well.

One of the birthday books I finished was The Mother Trip, by Ariel Gore. She is a compelling and engaging writer. I don't connect with everything she has to say, but that is what makes the world go round! I'm also uptight and prudish and so I get turned off sometimes by the language that she uses and in this book, by an essay about her trip to the city for a book tour without her kid and how she sort of slipped back into "party mode" (as I said, uptight, and I don't really appreciate or respect the whole "partying" mentality--like it is a desirable thing to be all impaired?).

In one essay she shares a meaningful quote from Alice Walker: "It has become a common feeling, I believe, as we have watched our heroes failing over the years, that our own small stone of activism, which might not seem to measure up to the rugged boulders of heroism we have so admired, is a paltry offering toward the building of an edifice of hope. Many who believe this choose to withhold their offerings out of shame. This is the tragedy of our world." Ariel adds her own thoughts to this: "Remember: as women, as mothers, we cannot not work. Put aside your ideas that your work should be something different or grander than it is. In each area of your life--in work, art, child-rearing, gardening, friendships, politics, love, and spirituality--do what you can do. That's enough. Your small stone is enough."

This afternoon I got and read the spring issue of Forum, Mothers & More's quarterly publication. I guess they've changed their tagline to be "Making Connections. Making a Difference." I love this part of their mission: "the caregiving work that mothers do is real work, with real social and economic value." I wish that was posted on billboards all over the country and I wish that state and federal governments GOT it!

ALACE Labor Assistant Program

Last Thursday, I was thrilled to get the ALACE Labor Assistant training and certification program manual in the mail (I wasn't sure if they would mail be anything prior to the actual training or not and July seems like a long way away). I read the whole thing cover to cover right away, of course. I'm very excited. For someone who has said many times that she doesn't want to be a doula, I'm really looking forward to this training!

The Doula Book, Sharing Birth, & Mind Over Labor

This weekend, I finished reading The Doula Book. In the middle of it I stopped to read Sharing Birth: A Father's Guide to Giving Support During Labor, that had arrived in a timely fashion from Bookins. Sharing Birth is by Carl Jones which led me to another book by him that I already had on my shelf: Mind Over Labor. Anyway, I don't think I'll be keeping The Doula Book--it was okay, but just not that interesting and the breastfeeding information given in the final section was poor (in the "notes from a postpartum doula" section, not the section before it about asymmetrical latch, which was pretty good). It DID make me think again about the huge value of a doula during labor, particularly for hospital births. I would think that having one in an out-of-home setting would be nearly essential (if what you want is as natural-and-intervention-free-as-possible-in-that-setting birth). It also made me feel excited about the ALACE doula training coming up in Rolla in July! (I signed up at the end of last month!).

In Mind Over Labor, I marked several good relaxation exercises that I plan to incorporate into my childbirth classes.

Nothings Too Small to Make a Difference

Yesterday, I finished reading Nothings Too Small to Make a Difference by Wanda Urbanska & Frank Levering. It was pretty good, though nothing really new to comment on. Their tone is very similar to the Simple Living TV show--kind of lightweight and punny (but still good!) I liked their suggestion to have an instant savings plan by keeping all your change each month in a jar and then putting into a savings account at the end of the month (you don't spend any of your change, just always add it to the jar). We save money in other, better ways too, but I thought the change jar was a nice supplemental idea.

I'm currently reading Radical Simplicity which is pretty much the opposite of Nothings Too Small--the message is pretty much that you need to make some pretty MAJOR changes and ASAP or the world is going down the tubes. :( Nothings Too Small certainly presents a merrier picture, but I see a lot of (humbling) truth from Radical Simplicity also.

Last night I read the newest International Doula that arrived yesterday afternoon. It is the publication of DONA which is a doula organization I belong to. I really think their publication is the best of all of the childbirth organizations I belong to (though my heart/loyalty is with ALACE!)

Got another issue of Marie Claire today and read it against my better judgment--it is like watching crappy TV shows and not being able to resist the "intrigue."