While in Chicago, I did manage to read The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth with Confidence.
I reviewed it for CfM News. Stay tuned for the full review when our fall issue comes out in late Sept. My short review is: Excellent! I think the Lamaze name gives this book widespread appeal and acceptability to the "mainstream." I wish it was in the hands of all the pregnant women in my town!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
LLLI Conference + The Revolutionaries Wore Pearls
I returned from the LLLI conference in Chicago on July 24th (and it was our ninth wedding anniversary the next day :-). It was a wonderful, wonderful trip. I learned a lot and just had a great time. I felt rejuvenated and re-inspired as a Leader, a woman, and as a mother. I really needed a boost in all three areas and it was great to get it. I left the conference with a sense that LLL is of *vital* importance and I felt a new and profound sense of purpose about my work. I also finally had a sense that maybe I AM in this for the long haul--I see myself helping mothers and babies in some way or another for many, many more years to come. It was also great for me to see how old so many people were (LOL!). I get this frantic sense that I need to do everything and I need to do it RIGHT NOW and so it was an awesome reminder for me to see how many people that I respect and admire (like the Sears') are pretty "mature." It showed me that I have time to work on my purposes and accomplish my goals--I don't need to rush. There's time enough for me!
Anyway, while I was there I purchased their new book The Revolutionaries Wore Pearls.
It was interesting and good, but did have a note of finality to it that I also felt underscoring the International Conference. It also was very perky and, “Life was GREAT!” and Seven Voices, One Dream showed a more realistic picture, I think, of what the founders went through. They definitely had a revolutionary impact though, no matter how you look at it. As a side note, that was another perk of the conference for me, I felt like a revolutionary! The book is "scrapbook style" and has lots of images of newspaper clippings, etc. That was fun.
I was also interested to see the phrase several times, "the beginning of a dream to bring gentleness to giving birth and joy to the womanly art of breastfeeding" (emphasis mine). So, my overlapping interests in birth and breastfeeding mirror that of the Founders. The two are on a continuum and birth practices can have such a profound impact on breastfeeding.
Speaking of the Founders, I was delighted to see 6 of them at the conference and was even more delighted to speak with and get autographs from two of them--Mary White & Marian Tompson. I also got my picture taken with Mary White (as well as with Ina May Gaskin and with Peggy O'Mara! I was so starstruck--this conference had all of my "celebrities" in one place! It was so, so cool!)
Anyway, while I was there I purchased their new book The Revolutionaries Wore Pearls.
It was interesting and good, but did have a note of finality to it that I also felt underscoring the International Conference. It also was very perky and, “Life was GREAT!” and Seven Voices, One Dream showed a more realistic picture, I think, of what the founders went through. They definitely had a revolutionary impact though, no matter how you look at it. As a side note, that was another perk of the conference for me, I felt like a revolutionary! The book is "scrapbook style" and has lots of images of newspaper clippings, etc. That was fun.
I was also interested to see the phrase several times, "the beginning of a dream to bring gentleness to giving birth and joy to the womanly art of breastfeeding" (emphasis mine). So, my overlapping interests in birth and breastfeeding mirror that of the Founders. The two are on a continuum and birth practices can have such a profound impact on breastfeeding.
Speaking of the Founders, I was delighted to see 6 of them at the conference and was even more delighted to speak with and get autographs from two of them--Mary White & Marian Tompson. I also got my picture taken with Mary White (as well as with Ina May Gaskin and with Peggy O'Mara! I was so starstruck--this conference had all of my "celebrities" in one place! It was so, so cool!)
The Blue Jay's Dance
Before our trip, I also finished reading The Blue Jay's Dance. I learned of this book because a sentence from it was quoted in Continuum (LLL's alumnae association) in the form of a poem, though in the book it is just one of the opening sentences. I will share it here in poem format too, since I think it is more poignant and meaningful that way:
Okay, it is quite some time later, but I'm adding the other quotes I enjoyed:
This book is a memoir of a writer's first year with her third baby (sixth child). She isn't particularly a birth advocate or anything, this is a general mothering memoir and in it she says:
"Women are strong, strong, terribly strong. We don't know how strong until we are pushing out our babies. We are too often treated like babies having babies when we should be in training, like acolytes, novices to high priestesshood, like serious applicants for the space program."
----------------------------------
Later she is talking about male writers from the nineteenth century and their longing for an experience of oneness and seeking the mystery of an epiphany. She says:
"Perhaps we owe some of our most moving literature to men who didn't understand that they wanted to be women nursing babies."
-------------------------------
Growing,
bearing,
mothering,
or fathering,
supporting,
and at last
letting go…
are powerful
and mundane
creative acts
that rapturously
suck up
whole chunks
of life.
--Louise Erdrich
Okay, it is quite some time later, but I'm adding the other quotes I enjoyed:
This book is a memoir of a writer's first year with her third baby (sixth child). She isn't particularly a birth advocate or anything, this is a general mothering memoir and in it she says:
"Women are strong, strong, terribly strong. We don't know how strong until we are pushing out our babies. We are too often treated like babies having babies when we should be in training, like acolytes, novices to high priestesshood, like serious applicants for the space program."
----------------------------------
Later she is talking about male writers from the nineteenth century and their longing for an experience of oneness and seeking the mystery of an epiphany. She says:
"Perhaps we owe some of our most moving literature to men who didn't understand that they wanted to be women nursing babies."
-------------------------------
Confessions of the Other Mother
Before we left for our trip, I read Confessions of the Other Mother for the HMN review committee. The subtitle of the book is "nonbiological lesbian moms tell all!" It was an interesting book. One, I love all momoirs, regardless of how much or how little I relate to the mothers therein. Two, it was subject material I've never really read about or considered before. However, it definitely wasn't a "match" with HMN. The mothers weren't particularly "holistically" minded and some of the stories had very non-holistic elements (insomuch as you can pack "holistic" into a box, which you really can't since it is so broad--so, maybe I should say, it didn't seem holistic to me. And, since I was the reviewer, I could make that call!). Anyway, my horizons were broadened by reading it. What tricky dynamics to navigate--personally, socially, culturally, and politically.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
One True Thing
My mom lent me her book club read this month, One True Thing. I gobbled it up but it was super depressing :( It was the "uplifting" tale of a daughter caring for her 44 year old mother with cancer and all the details of her decline, suffering, and eventual death. Then the daughter is accused of mercy killing her mother and has to go on trial! What a book selection! I cried, I despaired at what is the point of life, etc. If I'm going to read some fiction, I should pick something lighter!
Speaking of fiction and gobbling...boy, did I gobble up Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. It was so, so good! I think the books have gotten better and better. They've also gotten darker and darker. This one was sad and the body count rose with each page. I do think the books have lost the sense of enchantment that was present in the the earlier books--poor Harry is just jaded and numb and worn, no more marveling at the changing ceiling at Hogwarts or tasty chocolate frogs or pumpkin juice...
Speaking of fiction and gobbling...boy, did I gobble up Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. It was so, so good! I think the books have gotten better and better. They've also gotten darker and darker. This one was sad and the body count rose with each page. I do think the books have lost the sense of enchantment that was present in the the earlier books--poor Harry is just jaded and numb and worn, no more marveling at the changing ceiling at Hogwarts or tasty chocolate frogs or pumpkin juice...
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Creating a Cooperative Learning Center
Yesterday I finished reading Creating a Cooperative Learning Center. This was an interesting book, though not quite what it was described to be--it seemed like it was going to be about starting your own center, but it was really more like an exploration of the learning center she founded and how it has evolved and is currently working. There were random quotes from people involved with TALC in her book, but they all seemed sort of pessimistic really and I'm not sure why she included them--I didn't think they helped the book much. Anyway, reading it did make me excited about someday creating a learning center/resource center in our area. I appreciated a point she made that it doesn't need to be a HUGE group--theirs started with three families. That means our playgroup is off to a roaring start! I also felt like with the addition of like one or two more activities per week, our homeschool could become a learning center...
Speaking of playgroup, I actually borrowed this book from one of my playgroup friends ages ago and have just now gotten around to reading it (though once I started, I read it in two evenings). She is probably wondering if I "cooperatively" made off with her book! Seriously, I borrowed it quite a long time ago.
I have read many, many things lately and need to get caught up here after having returned from the LLLI conference in Chicago recently. I have many items on my to-do list though and blogging is not even ON the list, LOL! I may just make a quick list and move on from there. I'll think about it.
Speaking of playgroup, I actually borrowed this book from one of my playgroup friends ages ago and have just now gotten around to reading it (though once I started, I read it in two evenings). She is probably wondering if I "cooperatively" made off with her book! Seriously, I borrowed it quite a long time ago.
I have read many, many things lately and need to get caught up here after having returned from the LLLI conference in Chicago recently. I have many items on my to-do list though and blogging is not even ON the list, LOL! I may just make a quick list and move on from there. I'll think about it.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Letter to the Editor
This is a letter to the editor that I wrote regarding the midwifery situation in Missouri and my friends and I sent to several newspapers. It was published in at least two--the Rolla Daily News and the Salem News.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why would a normal, healthy American woman want to travel to
· Doesn’t have better technology.
· Doesn’t spend as much per capita on pregnancy and childbirth.
· Doesn’t have better doctors or hospitals.
What
- Utilize more midwives.
- Follow the midwifery model of care as standard practice.
- Integrate midwives into the healthcare network.
- Have more out-of-hospital births.
- Have better birth outcomes for babies.
The recent lawsuit against the state of Missouri by the Missouri State Medical Association in regard to the midwifery legislation passed in May claims to advocate on behalf of women’s health and safety during childbirth and yet their determination to declare Missouri midwives criminals is in direct opposition to the recommendations of both the World Health Organization (WHO) and the American Public Health Association (APHA). The recommendations of these well respected organizations include midwives as the principal providers of care for pregnant women and increased access to out-of-hospital maternity care services.
Yes, we chose homebirth in order to have empowering and triumphant birth experiences. We also chose homebirth because we care about the health and safety of our babies. By choosing homebirth and midwifery care, we protected our babies from hospital acquired infections (the fourth largest killer in the
Let’s face it, for the Missouri State Medical Association this is about politics and big business. Their expressed concern about our access to midwifery care is not about the safety of mothers and babies.
So, why don’t we just move to
Saturday, July 7, 2007
More about midwifery in Missouri....
A fellow midwifery advocate, Jessica, shared some interesting insights recently about the MSMA's lawsuit and I wanted to quote them here as she makes some very interesting and thoughtful points:
"The hypocrisy involved in the Missouri State Medical Association's (and partner physician groups) lawsuit against the people ofMissouri
Between its initial introduction and the final passage HB818 nearly doubled in size and while all elements pertained to health care and/or making health care more financially accessible - the midwifery provision was far from the only part of the bill that didn't deal with insurance directly.
Let's look at an example from the final summary:
http://www.house.mo.gov/bills071/bilsum/truly/sHB818T.htm
DELINQUENT MEDICAL BILLS
Currently, state agencies are allowed to submit an agency debt to
the Department of Revenue in order to set off the debt by the
person's tax refund. The bill establishes a process for
hospitals and other health care providers to intercept a person's
tax refund or lottery winnings.
Hmmmm.... I don't see anything in the above about Relating to Health Insurance. But wait - that provision will allow the members of the MSMA and the other groups involved in the suite to garnish the funds ofMissouri
As the new law is written it allows *only* Certified Professional Midwives to care for paranatal women as independent practitioners. Practitioners who are CPM certified have undergone a rigorous training process followed by both a clinical and written exam. They are the only birth professionals specifically trained to attend birthing women in an out-of-hospital setting - something virtually no doctor has experience in doing.
Additionally, nothing about the new law prevents the state ofMissouri
If I was a doctor in the state ofMissouri Kansas , Nebraska , Arkansas
"The hypocrisy involved in the Missouri State Medical Association's (and partner physician groups) lawsuit against the people of
Between its initial introduction and the final passage HB818 nearly doubled in size and while all elements pertained to health care and/or making health care more financially accessible - the midwifery provision was far from the only part of the bill that didn't deal with insurance directly.
Let's look at an example from the final summary:
http://www.house.mo.gov/bills071/bilsum/truly/sHB818T.htm
DELINQUENT MEDICAL BILLS
Currently, state agencies are allowed to submit an agency debt to
the Department of Revenue in order to set off the debt by the
person's tax refund. The bill establishes a process for
hospitals and other health care providers to intercept a person's
tax refund or lottery winnings.
Hmmmm.... I don't see anything in the above about Relating to Health Insurance. But wait - that provision will allow the members of the MSMA and the other groups involved in the suite to garnish the funds of
As the new law is written it allows *only* Certified Professional Midwives to care for paranatal women as independent practitioners. Practitioners who are CPM certified have undergone a rigorous training process followed by both a clinical and written exam. They are the only birth professionals specifically trained to attend birthing women in an out-of-hospital setting - something virtually no doctor has experience in doing.
Additionally, nothing about the new law prevents the state of
If I was a doctor in the state of
Friday, July 6, 2007
Birthing With Intensity
I just found out that my story about Z's birth that was published in Special Delivery this year is available online: Birthing With Intensity. Not sure why/how, but I thought it was kind of neat to have it available online anyway. It can also be purchased on Amazon as an digital file (again, not sure why/how, just sharing!) My Listening to My Baby article is also available on the LLLI website. Neither article has the pictures that were published in the printed versions.
At Home Motherhood
This week I read At Home Motherhood. It had been on my wish list at Amazon for a while and got down to like $1, so I bought it. It is really late on this, my appointed blog day, & so I'm going to have to leave it at that. It was a good book & offered me some good insights/food for thought. It wasn't what I expected really--I think I was looking for something that was going to say, "cut back on your other interests & make the kids your mission," but this book was very supportive of at home mothers pursuing their passions & actually made me feel much better about all the stuff I squeeze in around the edges--like it is important to my full development as a woman :-) I'd marked a bunch of pages, but don't have time to transcribe them now.
One evening I was putting some books away--deciding what belongs in my to-read-someday-but-probably-not-very-soon-and-maybe-never box and what belongs on my to-read-next bookshelf--and I accidentally started reading The Nanny Diaries. I've read it before, but it was several years ago. So, before I knew it, it was after 2:00 a.m. and the book was finished (I started it at like 11:30). This is why I don't read fiction very often--because I will not get enough sleep and will be all glassy-eyed from excessive book consumption without a break for food or water ;-)
This week I also read the summer issue of Midwifery Today. There was an interesting article in it about "life as an apprentice." Reinforced that it is not the path for me during this season of my life. I don't know how people manage it! There was also a good article about using media to educate about birth. I'd like to use this blog for more birth education/advocacy than I currently do. Another good article was "reflections on the end of my career." Lots to think about--I think it is good for people just starting out to read/hear the reflections of those who are closing that chapter of their lives.
One evening I was putting some books away--deciding what belongs in my to-read-someday-but-probably-not-very-soon-and-maybe-never box and what belongs on my to-read-next bookshelf--and I accidentally started reading The Nanny Diaries. I've read it before, but it was several years ago. So, before I knew it, it was after 2:00 a.m. and the book was finished (I started it at like 11:30). This is why I don't read fiction very often--because I will not get enough sleep and will be all glassy-eyed from excessive book consumption without a break for food or water ;-)
This week I also read the summer issue of Midwifery Today. There was an interesting article in it about "life as an apprentice." Reinforced that it is not the path for me during this season of my life. I don't know how people manage it! There was also a good article about using media to educate about birth. I'd like to use this blog for more birth education/advocacy than I currently do. Another good article was "reflections on the end of my career." Lots to think about--I think it is good for people just starting out to read/hear the reflections of those who are closing that chapter of their lives.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Midwifery in Missouri
I'm deviating from my usual reading-materials-only format to post briefly about the midwifery legislation situation in Missouri. The MSMA has filed a lawsuit with the state in an effort to get the midwifery provision overturned (declared unconstitutional). Birth is a business in the US and this lawsuit makes that abundantly clear. The MSMA is joking if they think their lawsuit has anything to do with safety for mothers and babies.
The Governor of Missouri has come out in support of our legislation. I shared my thoughts on a politics blog as follows:
"I am politically liberal & have not been a special fan of Gov. Blunt. However, I'm so encouraged to see that he is "hearing" the voices of the people on this issue and not just the voice of big business--lets face it, for the MSMA this is NOT about the safety of mothers and babies. It is about politics, power, and money, nothing else. There are relatively few families in Missouri who would even consider homebirth with a midwife. It does not make any sense to restrict their choices in this way, particularly because in many other states families DO have the choice of midwifery care (and it is even covered by Medicaid in several states). There is not a single study that shows homebirth and midwifery to be any less safe than hospital birth, indeed, there is ample evidence that hospital births carry significant health risks for both babies and mothers. It is time to place the burden of proof on the medical profession--can they prove that hospital birth with an OB is actually safe? Studies so far indicate that maternal and infant mortality and morbidity rates are 2 to SIX times higher for hospital births with OB care."
For an exploration of this issue from a consumer rights perspective, check out Susan Hodges excellent and informative article: Mother-Friendly Childbirth Is A Consumer Issue
This issue cuts across partisan lines--ALL women deserve access to midwifery care, not just pro-life women or pro-choice women. We cannot be divided by political party lines--midwives are good for women and babies. Period.
The Governor of Missouri has come out in support of our legislation. I shared my thoughts on a politics blog as follows:
"I am politically liberal & have not been a special fan of Gov. Blunt. However, I'm so encouraged to see that he is "hearing" the voices of the people on this issue and not just the voice of big business--lets face it, for the MSMA this is NOT about the safety of mothers and babies. It is about politics, power, and money, nothing else. There are relatively few families in Missouri who would even consider homebirth with a midwife. It does not make any sense to restrict their choices in this way, particularly because in many other states families DO have the choice of midwifery care (and it is even covered by Medicaid in several states). There is not a single study that shows homebirth and midwifery to be any less safe than hospital birth, indeed, there is ample evidence that hospital births carry significant health risks for both babies and mothers. It is time to place the burden of proof on the medical profession--can they prove that hospital birth with an OB is actually safe? Studies so far indicate that maternal and infant mortality and morbidity rates are 2 to SIX times higher for hospital births with OB care."
For an exploration of this issue from a consumer rights perspective, check out Susan Hodges excellent and informative article: Mother-Friendly Childbirth Is A Consumer Issue
This issue cuts across partisan lines--ALL women deserve access to midwifery care, not just pro-life women or pro-choice women. We cannot be divided by political party lines--midwives are good for women and babies. Period.
Magazines only this week...
I haven't finished any books this week, only magazines. I read Utne Reader, UMR Magazine, International Doula, and Mothering. I didn't mark any pages in any of them, but each had something interesting to offer. International Doula has changed its format and looks even nicer than before. The cover photo was from PregnantEarth and is gorgeous. I also read the ever fabulous and informative Friends of Missouri Midwives newsletter ;-)
I went back through my posts this year out of curiosity and it looks like I've read more than SIXTY books so far this year. Is that weird?!
I went back through my posts this year out of curiosity and it looks like I've read more than SIXTY books so far this year. Is that weird?!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Perfection...
A final thought about perfection--"If you really were a perfect mother, everyone would hate you." LOL! I love it! I accidentally saw this quote from this book: A Mother's Guide to the Meaning of Life, when I was adding books to my Amazon wish list (don't I have enough books???!!!)
And now, it is totally time for bed. It has been fun to have a Friday blog binge :)
And now, it is totally time for bed. It has been fun to have a Friday blog binge :)
Friday, June 22, 2007
Postpartum Depression
I just wanted to note that I've decided to blog only on Fridays. So, consequently, I have a bit of a backlog to write about!
I got the book Hillbilly Gothic from Bookins this week. The subtitle is "a memoir of madness and motherhood." I am a "momoir" junkie and thus love basically any book that is about a woman's experience of motherhood, regardless of how closely it mirrors my own experience. I guess that is my way of saying that I didn't identify with her story that closely, but I truly enjoyed reading the book anyway. The memoir is set in Knoxville. I didn't mark any pages to go back to in it, which means I didn't get a lot of insights/things to ponder from it. I thought it was good though--funny at time, depressing at times. She definitely had a "birth is torture" attitude and then didn't seem to connect how her experiences contributed to her feelings toward her baby (this was the part I couldn't identify with--I *get* the feeling of being totally derailed by the reality of motherhood, but I don't really identify with seeing the baby as an inhuman "other" who is out to torture you! Like I said, I really like reading about other women's experiences though, even if I don't identify). She also didn't seem to realize how much she was overdoing it after the birth (such as going to wedding less than two weeks after giving birth and leaving the baby to be babysat--no wonder she was a weeping mess. She really need the "cocoon" of being with her baby, not immediately struggling back to being "independent"! Let me be clear, I felt a lot of empathy for her, not blame or like she "should" have done things differently).
Anyway, she ends up on the psych floor of the hospital and the book bounces between her experiences there, her family's history, and her experiences with her baby. It was an interesting read!
It prompted me to get another book off my shelf that has been languishing there since I last bought wholesale books to sell on Amazon: The Mother-to-Mother Postpartum Depression Support Book. I zipped through this one really quickly. It was interesting and caused me to dig out my journal following L's birth. In hindsight, I definitely think I experienced some elements of PPD (and, really, probably after Z as well). However, I'm not sure how much was actually a PPD experience and how much was my perfectionistic, overachieving, Type A style clashing with the reality of motherhood--for example, I really like positive feedback and it has been such a struggle for me to adjust to what is often a thankless and devalued (by society) role. I know cognitively that I need to value myself, etc. etc. & not need to seek outside validation, but it is hard for me to feel sort of socially/politically "invisible." I'm not explaining this well--I feel like I was groomed by my education to be an "agent of social change" & I often feel like I am not doing that (though then I remember a phrase from one of Peggy O'Mara's Mothering editorials that said, "see your mothering as a political act" & that helps. I just find I don't feel as *purposeful* in parenting as I used to feel in my professional life. This is a *personal* issue/struggle/lesson for me though & I need to stop seeking external answers!). I have always been very ambitious and achievement oriented and it has been hard to "mold" myself into the cracks around mothering little ones!
Back to the book, I was a little disappointed that many of the stories seemed lacking in detail--they got very familiar (as in, they all said very similar things and lacked specifics). Also, of course, I was saddened to see how many of the mothers in the stories stopped breastfeeding to take antidepressants--with the message being, "you have to take care of yourself and your baby will be better off not being breastfed if it helps you get well." This bothers me because it is NOT an either-or situation. You can overcome depression AND continue to breastfeed, they are not mutually exclusive! There are a number of antidepressants that are considered compatible with breastfeeding (thought the knee jerk response of the medical community is usually, "you have to wean--medication isn't safe for the baby."Ranty side note--and yet you CAN take antidepressants while pregnant and also morphine and any number of other powerful drugs during labor?? Hmm.)
I also got and read the summer issue of Attachment Parenting.
I got the book Hillbilly Gothic from Bookins this week. The subtitle is "a memoir of madness and motherhood." I am a "momoir" junkie and thus love basically any book that is about a woman's experience of motherhood, regardless of how closely it mirrors my own experience. I guess that is my way of saying that I didn't identify with her story that closely, but I truly enjoyed reading the book anyway. The memoir is set in Knoxville. I didn't mark any pages to go back to in it, which means I didn't get a lot of insights/things to ponder from it. I thought it was good though--funny at time, depressing at times. She definitely had a "birth is torture" attitude and then didn't seem to connect how her experiences contributed to her feelings toward her baby (this was the part I couldn't identify with--I *get* the feeling of being totally derailed by the reality of motherhood, but I don't really identify with seeing the baby as an inhuman "other" who is out to torture you! Like I said, I really like reading about other women's experiences though, even if I don't identify). She also didn't seem to realize how much she was overdoing it after the birth (such as going to wedding less than two weeks after giving birth and leaving the baby to be babysat--no wonder she was a weeping mess. She really need the "cocoon" of being with her baby, not immediately struggling back to being "independent"! Let me be clear, I felt a lot of empathy for her, not blame or like she "should" have done things differently).
Anyway, she ends up on the psych floor of the hospital and the book bounces between her experiences there, her family's history, and her experiences with her baby. It was an interesting read!
It prompted me to get another book off my shelf that has been languishing there since I last bought wholesale books to sell on Amazon: The Mother-to-Mother Postpartum Depression Support Book. I zipped through this one really quickly. It was interesting and caused me to dig out my journal following L's birth. In hindsight, I definitely think I experienced some elements of PPD (and, really, probably after Z as well). However, I'm not sure how much was actually a PPD experience and how much was my perfectionistic, overachieving, Type A style clashing with the reality of motherhood--for example, I really like positive feedback and it has been such a struggle for me to adjust to what is often a thankless and devalued (by society) role. I know cognitively that I need to value myself, etc. etc. & not need to seek outside validation, but it is hard for me to feel sort of socially/politically "invisible." I'm not explaining this well--I feel like I was groomed by my education to be an "agent of social change" & I often feel like I am not doing that (though then I remember a phrase from one of Peggy O'Mara's Mothering editorials that said, "see your mothering as a political act" & that helps. I just find I don't feel as *purposeful* in parenting as I used to feel in my professional life. This is a *personal* issue/struggle/lesson for me though & I need to stop seeking external answers!). I have always been very ambitious and achievement oriented and it has been hard to "mold" myself into the cracks around mothering little ones!
Back to the book, I was a little disappointed that many of the stories seemed lacking in detail--they got very familiar (as in, they all said very similar things and lacked specifics). Also, of course, I was saddened to see how many of the mothers in the stories stopped breastfeeding to take antidepressants--with the message being, "you have to take care of yourself and your baby will be better off not being breastfed if it helps you get well." This bothers me because it is NOT an either-or situation. You can overcome depression AND continue to breastfeed, they are not mutually exclusive! There are a number of antidepressants that are considered compatible with breastfeeding (thought the knee jerk response of the medical community is usually, "you have to wean--medication isn't safe for the baby."Ranty side note--and yet you CAN take antidepressants while pregnant and also morphine and any number of other powerful drugs during labor?? Hmm.)
I also got and read the summer issue of Attachment Parenting.
Buddhism for Mothers
"If you want to know what your future life will be like, look at your life right now."
I finally finished reading Buddhism for Mothers. Yay me! It was a really profound book and I hope I can implement some of the ideas into my daily life--one thing that struck me is that I really think I am looking for something that will just *click* and I will magically be able to behave/think in a new way. This book really hit home for me that you have to have a *practice*--your attitudes or habitual ways of responding do not change overnight, practice is so important (i.e. not a "quick fix," but like years of work and consideration!) The quote above reminds me of something that I remind myself of almost daily: your thoughts create your reality. We create our own suffering.
Reading this book also helped me remember to look at some of the assumptions that underlie my day to day life (and how they cause my own suffering, LOL!) Like, "I should always feel good." "I should never get upset." "I should never get mad." "I should always be unflappable and calm." "I should always be totally patient." Typing these out looks totally ridiculous and very obviously in error/unrealistic, but those are still some of the "tapes" that play in my brain if I actually watch myself thinking instead of just hopping on the thought train. In another book I'm currently reading, the author has a concept of a "baseboard" (of emotional response) that you "plug into" whenever something bothers you during the day. This is SO true too. I'm starting to watch myself "plug in" to the baseboard and my baseboard reaction is usually to be overly black and white about issues or to catastrophize about fairly small things--such as, XYZ happened, that means I'm a bad person...
Anyway, good stuff. If I stopped reading so many books, maybe I could actually go back and re-read some of this stuff that seems so helpful and actually GET it, instead of hopping merrily along to the next book in my pile! ;-) In the last couple of months, I've developed a new habit of reading multiple books at once. I NEVER used to do this before and didn't understand how anyone could. It just seemed ADHDish to me--like *focus* on something and finish it! However, I have found that I enjoy going from book to book as the mood strikes me and finishing them when I'm ready, instead of doggedly sticking with something to the bitter end, because I am trying to follow the "rules" of being a good book-reader, LOL! I think I'm better able to absorb the good stuff from books when I take a break from one for a while and read something fresh and then return to the previous book when I'm in the mood for it again. I have four in progress right now. This book took me the longest to finish of any book I've read all year, I think.
Okay, so back to the book. I thought the final half seemed mostly about meditation and how to practice, not specifically about motherhood and Buddhism (which is why I bought the book!) It was good, but I could get Buddhist philosophy and meditation ideas from many other books. I wanted this one specifically for the fairly unique combination of mothering AND Buddhism. The first half met that need a little more. I appreciate that the author has two children and also a non-Buddhist husband--makes her suggestions seem so real and reality based, instead of a totally remote monk-life-in-a-cave ;-)
I may or may not share more later. This entry has become too long as it is!
Oh, one final note. I do not consider myself to be Buddhist, just for the record. However, I feel I can learn a lot from the philosophy and ideas (as other authors have noted, Buddhism is not a religion, it is a way of looking at the world/life). I have another book called Buddhism Without Beliefs that I'm really excited to read (I'm interested in ideas without the religious underpinnings of some books).
I finally finished reading Buddhism for Mothers. Yay me! It was a really profound book and I hope I can implement some of the ideas into my daily life--one thing that struck me is that I really think I am looking for something that will just *click* and I will magically be able to behave/think in a new way. This book really hit home for me that you have to have a *practice*--your attitudes or habitual ways of responding do not change overnight, practice is so important (i.e. not a "quick fix," but like years of work and consideration!) The quote above reminds me of something that I remind myself of almost daily: your thoughts create your reality. We create our own suffering.
Reading this book also helped me remember to look at some of the assumptions that underlie my day to day life (and how they cause my own suffering, LOL!) Like, "I should always feel good." "I should never get upset." "I should never get mad." "I should always be unflappable and calm." "I should always be totally patient." Typing these out looks totally ridiculous and very obviously in error/unrealistic, but those are still some of the "tapes" that play in my brain if I actually watch myself thinking instead of just hopping on the thought train. In another book I'm currently reading, the author has a concept of a "baseboard" (of emotional response) that you "plug into" whenever something bothers you during the day. This is SO true too. I'm starting to watch myself "plug in" to the baseboard and my baseboard reaction is usually to be overly black and white about issues or to catastrophize about fairly small things--such as, XYZ happened, that means I'm a bad person...
Anyway, good stuff. If I stopped reading so many books, maybe I could actually go back and re-read some of this stuff that seems so helpful and actually GET it, instead of hopping merrily along to the next book in my pile! ;-) In the last couple of months, I've developed a new habit of reading multiple books at once. I NEVER used to do this before and didn't understand how anyone could. It just seemed ADHDish to me--like *focus* on something and finish it! However, I have found that I enjoy going from book to book as the mood strikes me and finishing them when I'm ready, instead of doggedly sticking with something to the bitter end, because I am trying to follow the "rules" of being a good book-reader, LOL! I think I'm better able to absorb the good stuff from books when I take a break from one for a while and read something fresh and then return to the previous book when I'm in the mood for it again. I have four in progress right now. This book took me the longest to finish of any book I've read all year, I think.
Okay, so back to the book. I thought the final half seemed mostly about meditation and how to practice, not specifically about motherhood and Buddhism (which is why I bought the book!) It was good, but I could get Buddhist philosophy and meditation ideas from many other books. I wanted this one specifically for the fairly unique combination of mothering AND Buddhism. The first half met that need a little more. I appreciate that the author has two children and also a non-Buddhist husband--makes her suggestions seem so real and reality based, instead of a totally remote monk-life-in-a-cave ;-)
I may or may not share more later. This entry has become too long as it is!
Oh, one final note. I do not consider myself to be Buddhist, just for the record. However, I feel I can learn a lot from the philosophy and ideas (as other authors have noted, Buddhism is not a religion, it is a way of looking at the world/life). I have another book called Buddhism Without Beliefs that I'm really excited to read (I'm interested in ideas without the religious underpinnings of some books).
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Radical Simplicity
Yesterday I finished reading Radical Simplicity by Dan Price. It was a great little read--wonderful little sketches and good content as well. It was not a "how-to" book at all, but the chronicle of one man's experiences with VERY simple living (i.e. he lives in an 80 square foot "hobbit hole"). Unfortunately, the last chapter of the book had a very sexist comment in it that totally irked me and cast a pall on my enjoyment of the rest of the book (which was high until I read that comment). So, I'm having trouble writing about all of the good things about it, because of the bad taste that was left from one of his closing remarks!
One of the things I gained from the book was, AGAIN, to take life as it comes and to enjoy the simple things in life. I always want to speed, speed, speed. Slow down. I keep getting this message and then buzzing along and forgetting it...
Another thing from this book was in the opening section he says (paraphrasing here) that there are three really important decisions that people make that impact their ability to live a simple life:
1. Where you live.
2. Who you choose for a partner.
3. The work you do--do you love it?
The subtitle of this book was something like "creating an authentic life." This is my main focus--I want to live truly, deeply, richly. I want to make sure I am living an authentic life--a true life. I often become bogged down in details or minor stresses and keep waiting for "later" or thinking ahead (planning and/or worrying) to the future--I feel like I need to get all of the "business" out of the way and then, then, I can do "what I really want to do." Well, the time is now. I also need to be conscious of my responsibilities--I have a tendency to just take on more and more and more. During this season of my life with small children, it is OKAY to be "slow" :-) (and actually probably more valuable than anything else I can offer).
It is late and my thoughts are disjointed accordingly (this is why I shouldn't stay up late, but should get up early instead, when I am sharp and fresh!).
Edited to add something I forgot--this book also made me start to get the declutter bug again. I can feel it strike. I start casting my eyes about all the rooms looking for things to get rid of it. It is kind of funny (and can also be fun). I have too many other things on my plate right now to embark on a major decluttering mission though!
One of the things I gained from the book was, AGAIN, to take life as it comes and to enjoy the simple things in life. I always want to speed, speed, speed. Slow down. I keep getting this message and then buzzing along and forgetting it...
Another thing from this book was in the opening section he says (paraphrasing here) that there are three really important decisions that people make that impact their ability to live a simple life:
1. Where you live.
2. Who you choose for a partner.
3. The work you do--do you love it?
The subtitle of this book was something like "creating an authentic life." This is my main focus--I want to live truly, deeply, richly. I want to make sure I am living an authentic life--a true life. I often become bogged down in details or minor stresses and keep waiting for "later" or thinking ahead (planning and/or worrying) to the future--I feel like I need to get all of the "business" out of the way and then, then, I can do "what I really want to do." Well, the time is now. I also need to be conscious of my responsibilities--I have a tendency to just take on more and more and more. During this season of my life with small children, it is OKAY to be "slow" :-) (and actually probably more valuable than anything else I can offer).
It is late and my thoughts are disjointed accordingly (this is why I shouldn't stay up late, but should get up early instead, when I am sharp and fresh!).
Edited to add something I forgot--this book also made me start to get the declutter bug again. I can feel it strike. I start casting my eyes about all the rooms looking for things to get rid of it. It is kind of funny (and can also be fun). I have too many other things on my plate right now to embark on a major decluttering mission though!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Motherhood Confidential
Two days ago, I finished reading Motherhood Confidential. I'm having trouble thinking of words to describe it. It was....odd. Sometimes really funny, sometimes just confusing and hard to follow--it was co-written by two women and one of them especially had a stream-of-consciousness style with lots of capitalized words and pop culture references and euphemisms and sort of nicknames-for-things-puns/jokes-that-I-didn't-always-totally-get. I've been interested in reading this book since I saw it advertised in the back of a magazine (Mothering, Brain, Child?? I forget which one), but the description was so unclear that I didn't want to buy it. Much time passed and it got down to like 11 cents on Amazon, so I finally bought it. It is about two best friends--actresses, writers, and film makers--who drift apart over the "motherhood divide" (one is a super involved attachment parenting mother with a very high need son and the other is a self-described "detachment parent" with a relaxed and adaptable son). They alternate chapters (which have very funny subtitles such as "in which Joan discovers a cure for popularity" :-D I found the style kind of disjointed (and maybe actually a little crazy??) and a little histrionic/overly dramatic, but it was still a good read. I like all mothering memoirs basically, particularly ones that are scathingly honest (this one is). Another criticism is that I felt like it assumed pre-knowledge of the authors--like there was some background information missing or something that would make the text flow better.
The attachment parenting mother ends up homeschooling and there was some really funny writing about that. Also, a point I identify with: "[re: son going to Waldorf school] I knew he would be nurtured there for the unique individual he was. His sensitivities would not be labeled defects to be cured, but cherished as mysteries that would later unfold to reveal more of who he was meant to be. Unfortunately, there were 27 other children in his class--one of them a bully--whose mysteries were all equally cherished." Ain't that the truth?! LOL! I also identified with this mother's worries about "not being Waldorf enough" about various things. I feel that way too sometimes (though "not AP enough" is where my various frets emerge). The conclusion of the book is pretty much to scrape off the "dogma-doo" of ANY style and just be your own you (and also the mother that you naturally are). Interestingly, the writer's whose style was more difficult for me to follow, was the mother whose "issues" I identified with more strongly (the AP mother).
Another good point from the book: "Babies and motherhood are indeed distinctly different entities." I believe this--I think it explains how you can thoroughly love your children without reservation or question, but not always love motherhood or the experience of mothering (particularly in our dratted mother UNfriendly culture!). Along the lines of the mother unfriendly culture, another good point from this book: "Motherhood might be revered in poetry, but outside the subcultures that support the one-earner nuclear family, staying home with one's child is often considered a waste of a woman's talents and education. And although the women's movement declares every mother a working mother, I'm not so sure. Because, if there is no pay, no Social Security, and no time off, how can it really be bonafide labor. Unless. Unless you're taking care of someone else's child. If you're a nanny, a teacher, a foster parent--well, that's worth a paycheck. Even the federal government will pay a poor working mother's childcare provider to watch her three year old, but it won't pay that mother to do the same job at home. Evidently, caring from one's own child is not real work."
This is something that has always bugged me! Both the social worker AND the mother sides of me!
The attachment parenting mother ends up homeschooling and there was some really funny writing about that. Also, a point I identify with: "[re: son going to Waldorf school] I knew he would be nurtured there for the unique individual he was. His sensitivities would not be labeled defects to be cured, but cherished as mysteries that would later unfold to reveal more of who he was meant to be. Unfortunately, there were 27 other children in his class--one of them a bully--whose mysteries were all equally cherished." Ain't that the truth?! LOL! I also identified with this mother's worries about "not being Waldorf enough" about various things. I feel that way too sometimes (though "not AP enough" is where my various frets emerge). The conclusion of the book is pretty much to scrape off the "dogma-doo" of ANY style and just be your own you (and also the mother that you naturally are). Interestingly, the writer's whose style was more difficult for me to follow, was the mother whose "issues" I identified with more strongly (the AP mother).
Another good point from the book: "Babies and motherhood are indeed distinctly different entities." I believe this--I think it explains how you can thoroughly love your children without reservation or question, but not always love motherhood or the experience of mothering (particularly in our dratted mother UNfriendly culture!). Along the lines of the mother unfriendly culture, another good point from this book: "Motherhood might be revered in poetry, but outside the subcultures that support the one-earner nuclear family, staying home with one's child is often considered a waste of a woman's talents and education. And although the women's movement declares every mother a working mother, I'm not so sure. Because, if there is no pay, no Social Security, and no time off, how can it really be bonafide labor. Unless. Unless you're taking care of someone else's child. If you're a nanny, a teacher, a foster parent--well, that's worth a paycheck. Even the federal government will pay a poor working mother's childcare provider to watch her three year old, but it won't pay that mother to do the same job at home. Evidently, caring from one's own child is not real work."
This is something that has always bugged me! Both the social worker AND the mother sides of me!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Simplify Your Work Life
Yesterday I got Simplify Your Work Life from Bookins and I finished reading it this afternoon (a bit of skimming over the financial planning section, because I feel like we've got that taken care of pretty well and it was not new information). As other reviewers noted on Amazon, it is definitely geared toward white collar, executive types (i.e. "shut the door to your office and take a nap" and "train your assistant to read magazines for you and highlight the important things." Um. Suuure.) Anyway, it did have good reminders about doing the important things and not getting bogged down in the little things that don't matter in the long run. A few other good suggestions too that I may share when I have more time to do so (or may never share, which is most likely!)
Monday, June 11, 2007
Recent magazine reads...
I also recently finished reading several magazines--the May/June issue of New Beginnings from LLLI. I was reflecting on how much this magazine meant to me in my early months of mothering. It was the most supportive and validating "voice" out there! It still is an excellent magazine, but it really touched me when I needed it (now, I need it less, but still enjoy it when it comes). I was also pleased to have one of my responses to one of the Mother's Situations published in this issue--even if it is fairly small, I do so love a publication credit! :) This one was about "From Mother Mode to Lover Mode" and they took that title for the article from the body of my response (uncredited), which I thought was fun :)
I also read two issues of Ode magazine. I enjoy it usually, but I'm thinking it might clutter up my "simple" life a bit to try to keep up with it--it usually ends up in a stack of to-read stuff, instead of being devoured right away like many of my other subscriptions. That's why I had two issues to read at once (plus, today I found another one that I'd packed to read at Craft Camp in April and never read or unpacked!)
I also read Brain, Child. Now THIS, I devour. Literally. (well, I guess not literally, but you know what I mean). I often use food-related words to describe how I read. I gobble, I devour, I consume, I swallow, I drink, I eat up, I guzzle, I gorge on the printed word. I really do feel like I take it into myself, so maybe food words are apt descriptors. Anyway, I DEVOUR Brain, Child. I love it. I would probably keep my subscription to it above all others, even Mothering magazine (gasp!). I love how many ideas it brings together under one "roof," I love how it makes me think and consider and to laugh and to, occasionally, cry. It is so, so good. I read it cover to cover in a matter of seconds (well, hours) and then pine for it for the next three months...
Today, I just read the newsletter of the Missouri Midwives Association as well. Legalization of midwifery barely squeaked by this session (OMG! I can hardly believe that it is true! CPMs are technically legal in MO beginning in August. Yay!), so that was the main focus of this issue.
I also read two issues of Ode magazine. I enjoy it usually, but I'm thinking it might clutter up my "simple" life a bit to try to keep up with it--it usually ends up in a stack of to-read stuff, instead of being devoured right away like many of my other subscriptions. That's why I had two issues to read at once (plus, today I found another one that I'd packed to read at Craft Camp in April and never read or unpacked!)
I also read Brain, Child. Now THIS, I devour. Literally. (well, I guess not literally, but you know what I mean). I often use food-related words to describe how I read. I gobble, I devour, I consume, I swallow, I drink, I eat up, I guzzle, I gorge on the printed word. I really do feel like I take it into myself, so maybe food words are apt descriptors. Anyway, I DEVOUR Brain, Child. I love it. I would probably keep my subscription to it above all others, even Mothering magazine (gasp!). I love how many ideas it brings together under one "roof," I love how it makes me think and consider and to laugh and to, occasionally, cry. It is so, so good. I read it cover to cover in a matter of seconds (well, hours) and then pine for it for the next three months...
Today, I just read the newsletter of the Missouri Midwives Association as well. Legalization of midwifery barely squeaked by this session (OMG! I can hardly believe that it is true! CPMs are technically legal in MO beginning in August. Yay!), so that was the main focus of this issue.
Immaculate Deception II
As I still slog through my Buddhism books (they're really good, I swear, but I can only handle small doses!), I also finally read Immaculate Deception II. It was so good. Suzanne Arms has such a passion (and also a lot of anger that comes through sometimes strongly in her writing). I love her activism attitude and her approach to birth change.
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